Years ago, I showed up at my therapist’s office early one day to find her chain-smoking outside. I was shocked. Here I was, pouring my heart and soul out each week as I attempted to overcome my addictions while it turned out she secretly harbored an addiction of her own. I wondered if she was even trying to stop. I watched her for a while; the disconnected and distant look on her face as she breathed smoke into her lungs. It was a look I was all too familiar with. Anger and helplessness flooded my being. There were not enough heroes in the world. If this person, this expert, this doctor couldn’t deal with her life without turning to something harmful, how could she possibly have anything of value to offer me? More importantly, I started to wonder why I was looking at anyone other than me for answers.
That was the moment I became a kind of “modern-day yogi” and dove headfirst into an inner spiritual journey that changed my life. I began to rely on myself and get comfortable in not having answers. I created a daily practice which initially involved walking and writing every day; physical yoga was incorporated later. I withdrew from the social scene creating a sort of silent retreat for myself. I created the personal mantra of “s-l-o-w d-o-w-n”.
Slowing down allowed me to notice my thoughts, to question and release my thoughts before jumping into action or finding myself down a rabbit hole of negativity. I read every book in the library on addiction, psychology, eating disorders and the like. I also reread some of my favorites like The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho and Siddhartha by Herman Hess. I knew in this modern day world, I was on one of those spiritual and heroic quests as I fought the monsters of my mind. What I didn’t know was that I was also naturally practicing aspects of the 8 limbs of yoga (which I will have to discuss in more depth at a later time).
It didn’t take long for the practice I created to pay off. There is no greater stability in this world than that of being able to trust yourself. I found my own voice that year, separate from the conditioning and expectations of others. I found happiness – the kind of happiness that bubbled up from within. I found my strength. I was awake, alive and free.
Recently I returned to my practice of walking and writing, where again, I delved into my past to make more space for the life I want today. Where again, I found myself at my edge with nothing to guide me except the belief that there must be another side. And then right after the darkest dark, like a phoenix, I was given new life and purpose. I know the formula that works for me. As life has continued to throw its curve balls that have left me running from myself or thrown off balance…I know how to wait out the darkness, the moments of pain or discomfort, I know how to return to myself, my center, my bliss.
The question is, do you?
Joseph Cambell talks about the hero’s journey being one of separation, initiation, and return. In the part of separation lies the sense of being lost and not quite knowing what to do. In the initiation, there is learning, trials, and challenges – deeper challenge than ever faced before. The return is always marked with a sense of wholeness. These deep truths are also reflected in the traditions of yoga and meditation.
There are a million battles to fight in this world and a million opportunities to be a hero; to separate from the stream of “majority rules”, to open your eyes to new perspectives and deeper truths, to confront yourself in someway as you bring these details to light, and to rediscover the sweetness of a still heart. Some journeys are complete in a moment, others last a lifetime. Yours is the only heart you will feel the relief of when things are set right. You are the only hero that matters; who knows whether or not you fulfilled the quest that started the moment your heart tried to speak to you.
So now I invite you to consider regularly and consistently if there are any external forces to which you are sacrificing your power. To consider who’s dragons you are taking time to slay if not your own. Maybe you are a pacifist and your hero’s journey involves making friends with and taming the beasts… seeing their true colors and deepest needs. All paths walked with truly open eyes take courage, discipline and heart.
I invite you to do whatever it takes to rediscover that power, beauty and wisdom already within you. Fight for it with everything you’ve got. Teach yourself how to listen better. Write your own epic tale day by day as you connect with your heart, drive and inspiration. Whether your tasks are great or medial, if they are from a place of truth, your heart will sing a hero’s song. The more balanced your heart is, the more balanced the world is. It all begins with you.
Copyrights reserved – the yoga shift 2013
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